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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a short video here or there would be fun for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She must to respect her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?